Thursday 27 August 2015

The Runaway Bride

The title of this post seems obvious...except it's not...
At the end of the post you will be able to put all the pieces together and understand why I chose this title.
For now...let us start...
Jesus,
Recarp:my heart is breaking and I am crying out;WHERE ARE YOU?Can't You see me crying?
The Recarp I just wrote are words I wrote in my journal addressed to Jesus concerning a time this year that I doubted the goodness of God in my life.I was literally a sinking ship in this journey called salvation.
Our ship started sinking when I left the main ship and told Jesus things were not working out with Him...
It started with me feeling insecure about a lot of things,the first one being my physical appearance then how I dress,then my family...which led to me taking the first sip of alcohol...
The alcohol part is a confession and I am still a working progress...
Now to go back to the story...
Jesus,
Like a bride who has been left by her groom,I am looking for You...
This bride has been left at the altar...she can't find her groom...she is running around frantically in her white dress...crying and screaming:WHERE ARE YOU?
And here I am...crying and screaming:WHERE ARE YOU?WHY AM I GOING THROUGH ALL THIS?
I am trying to make sense of You...All the while trying to make sense of...
Why can't You make a way?

The answer:Jesus was standing right there waiting to hold me in His arms.my groom had not gone...He was right there but I could not see Him...because I was so busy focusing on my situation and what I was going through.

When I was writing the above words to jesus in my journal and in my prayer time...I thought He was the problem...how could a good God allow me to go through such pain?The kind of pain that had numbed my heart?I thought for good...

I was the runaway bride...Instead of running to my groom (jesus),i was running away from Him...I was literally running away from Him...

The fear in me made me run away from my family and any situation that presented itself as a threat...

This post is for someone who is going through unexplainable pain...A pain or a heartache that can't be put in words...rather it's perfectly put in tears...

To be honest...I don't know your pain but my sincere prayer for you reading this is that God may visit you,meet you and reach out to You because He is God!

Do not underestimate the times you have cried out to God for help...why?

Because,unlike how popular culture teaches us that tears are a sign of weakness,tears can also be prayers too.

Am out.
Be blessed.

Love,
Jacque.

Saturday 20 June 2015

An apology letter to my husband:Truth without photoshop!

Whew!Finally!i am here writing this,this is going to take lots and lots of courage.

Dear husband,
First and foremost i want you to know that i have received you,the gift that is you.You are a beautiful gift from our father and i thank Him for that.It warms my heart to know that you are here and that you are the one God chose for me.
Secondly,i am sorry i have not been consistent in my quiet time with our sweet Jesus,i have not been sitting at His feet of late,i have been very ungrateful for my life and my portion.i am sorry i have not kept the covenant we made with our sovereign father.
Thirdly,i am thankful that Him,you and me are a team.i am thankful that He gave me you as my accountability partner and i appreciate you for that.i am also thankful for my sisters in Christ who have kept me accountable in this walk of salvation.
Fourthly,i am sorry again for not been consistent in my quiet time because i know one of your prayers for me is not to make you an idol.My prayer is that through the help of the holy spirit,i will keep my word just as our father keeps His.
i am also sorry i am not a reverential young woman according to titus2:2(NIV),i am really sorry for that.The holy spirit has been convicting of this sin,of this pride in my heart.
i definitely feel unworthy of our father's love but i will pick up the pieces and seek His face.
The issue of a lack of reverence in me has been heavy on my heart,my prayer is that the holy spirit may help me because He is the spirit of truth,He may help me in all things including being honest and never having to take advantage of anyone so that i could get my way.
i am sorry also for the selfishness in me,God is working in me concerning this.
i am sorry for all the times i have used means of manipulation and crying so that i could get my way.
Now to wrap this,you already know i have a child,you know angel and you know the many times i have shared with our father that i don't know how to be a parent.
i am thankful that you appreciate me,i am thankful to our father that you appreciate me as a mom,i am thankful that even though you see the many times i have failed in this area,you continue to cheer me on.
So for now i have to go and take our child to salon,i have to keep my word just as our father keeps His according to psalm 33:4(NIV).

 Psalm 33
Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
    it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the Lord with the harp;
    make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
Sing to him a new song;
    play skillfully, and shout for joy.
For the word of the Lord is right and true;
    he is faithful in all he does.

Amen to that word!
i pray you have accepted my apology.

Prayer for us(plus readers),
Heavenly father help us to look to You,help us to not feel the need to prove ourselves to anyone even those that surround us on a daily basis.We trust you to provide for all our needs.We trust that Your favor goes before us in Jesus name we pray and believe.Amen!

With much love,
Jacque.