Thursday 27 August 2015

The Runaway Bride

The title of this post seems obvious...except it's not...
At the end of the post you will be able to put all the pieces together and understand why I chose this title.
For now...let us start...
Jesus,
Recarp:my heart is breaking and I am crying out;WHERE ARE YOU?Can't You see me crying?
The Recarp I just wrote are words I wrote in my journal addressed to Jesus concerning a time this year that I doubted the goodness of God in my life.I was literally a sinking ship in this journey called salvation.
Our ship started sinking when I left the main ship and told Jesus things were not working out with Him...
It started with me feeling insecure about a lot of things,the first one being my physical appearance then how I dress,then my family...which led to me taking the first sip of alcohol...
The alcohol part is a confession and I am still a working progress...
Now to go back to the story...
Jesus,
Like a bride who has been left by her groom,I am looking for You...
This bride has been left at the altar...she can't find her groom...she is running around frantically in her white dress...crying and screaming:WHERE ARE YOU?
And here I am...crying and screaming:WHERE ARE YOU?WHY AM I GOING THROUGH ALL THIS?
I am trying to make sense of You...All the while trying to make sense of...
Why can't You make a way?

The answer:Jesus was standing right there waiting to hold me in His arms.my groom had not gone...He was right there but I could not see Him...because I was so busy focusing on my situation and what I was going through.

When I was writing the above words to jesus in my journal and in my prayer time...I thought He was the problem...how could a good God allow me to go through such pain?The kind of pain that had numbed my heart?I thought for good...

I was the runaway bride...Instead of running to my groom (jesus),i was running away from Him...I was literally running away from Him...

The fear in me made me run away from my family and any situation that presented itself as a threat...

This post is for someone who is going through unexplainable pain...A pain or a heartache that can't be put in words...rather it's perfectly put in tears...

To be honest...I don't know your pain but my sincere prayer for you reading this is that God may visit you,meet you and reach out to You because He is God!

Do not underestimate the times you have cried out to God for help...why?

Because,unlike how popular culture teaches us that tears are a sign of weakness,tears can also be prayers too.

Am out.
Be blessed.

Love,
Jacque.