MY STORY(PART 1)

For i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength(Philippians 4:13).

Hi guys,i have been meaning to share my story(testimony)for the longest time and how i came to know Christ as my savior.It has been nothing short of challenging because i started this blog last year but then i deleted all my previous posts because i felt there was a lot of self in them instead of Christ.God has been wanting me to do this for the longest time but i didn’t have the faith and courage to do it.But i thank God that now i have.

Let me introduce myself as a single young woman living for Christ.I am also celibate or rather refraining from any sexual relations until i get married.After i got saved and accepted God's call for my heart(which is totally sold out for Jesus) and for my life,things had to change,i had to change.

Before i got born again,i was very much sexually active,i am very conservative so i pray that God will give me courage to share my story with you.Okay after i got saved,one of the things God spoke to me about was sexual purity and to think that God has a sense of humor:i was pregnant at the time so i was like,'way to go Jesus!'Don't we all think God has perfect timing?

Well i couldn't help but question God:'why would You tell me to be sexually pure when i have already had sex?'That didn’t make sense to me then,it felt like a dream!i continued to question Him,'You waited for me to get pregnant for You to tell me this?'i just couldn't understand why He had not communicated with me before i even met my little boyfriend,so to say!Now i understand that God's ways are not my ways and His plans are not my plans.

FAST FORWARD:I have struggled to share my story with the world because i thought there was so much shame in it.i also questioned God about this:'why do You want me to share my life story?won't people laugh at me?'

But now i am learning there is glory in my story.Now let me share with you my broken pieces:i was that girl who would be with a guy because she was feeling lonely.And sometimes i do understand my reasons because i lost my dad at 12years old and my mom completely shut down emotionally,so i needed love and affection from somewhere.Anyhow,i couldn’t run to my mom so running to a man felt easier.i didn’t know Jesus personally at the time so i couldn’t run to someone i didn’t know.And please understand i am not blaming my mom for the choices i made in the past,i believe she did the best she could with what she had at that particular time.

Well i also struggled with my self-esteem and finding my identity.i felt lost so i searched for my identity in people.i wanted people to validate me and tell me i am good enough.

At the time,i didn't know through my sexual exploits that i was creating ungodly soul ties.i didn’t know that by me sleeping with my little boyfriend that we were becoming one.yes i had heard that per-marital sex is wrong but it just didn't ring a bell to me.it wasn’t part of my value system because i hadn’t defined what my values were exactly.i was still caving out my life path.

When i turned 19,i made a vow to myself that i was tired of being a virgin.i was tired of being the good girl.Every guy i met passed me off as good,well i didn’t know they were the problem,not i.So i concluded i am the problem and i needed to change to fit their(my friends)standards at the time.i did come off as passive.

i think for me,agreeing to have sex with my little boyfriend meant that he wouldn’t leave me at all.You see i didn’t know God was with me all the time,so i needed backup.

The reason i wrote this post is so that i can bring out the issue of shame.For a long time i have denied it to myself that i was that girl who sought validation from men through sexual confirmation.i just wanted to be wanted.don’t we all?its not bad to be wanted,the issue comes in when it becomes your god,now that becomes your idol.

i was just talking to my sister in Christ about this issue:we all want to feel loved,wanted and worth the trouble and when someone comes and gives you the opposite,you feel crushed.

Now that i know am a new creature,He has made all things new in my life,then i don’t have to worry about validation because now i live to please Him.

Now i am free!!!free in Christ!!!i am blessed and i also want to touch the lives of many women who still think they are unworthy,who still think they have to give their bodies up for a man to truly love them.i no longer say i am unworthy,even when someone makes me feel so,Jesus became unworthy on Calvary’s tree so that i can become worthy,so that i cannot stand condemned by anyone or myself.

That is why i keep going even when i want to give up,even when i feel i can't make it another day.i just want to motivate someone to be who God has called them to be.And it takes just one step of faith...to get where you want to be in life.

i want to wrap up this post guys because i have an assignment to finish.So please please please don't give up.Don't focus on what's against you,focus on what's for you,you will make it i believe.In case you would want to contact me,please put your email in the comment section.

i love you guys,God loves you more for sure!!!